University of Brattleboro

I met with Dr. Baldersash to discuss his latest "discovery", after he sent me a photo of a mysterious message written in Greek letters, dated 1876. Q: Good day, "Dr. Balderdash." I see these Greek letters you sent me a photo of, and I am wondering, do you really want us to believe that you found yet another treasure code in the T. P. James notebooks? Isn't it easier to believe that you are making these up and setting these out yourself? Dr. Balderdash: "Well, some people will call this one either an obvious hoax, or they will call it proof that T. P. James really was psychic. Which side of this story they come down on, is entirely dependent on what they want to believe, or what they refuse to believe despite the evidence. And the evidence is pretty interesting. I would even say, compelling. Of course, that might not mean a lot coming from a guy with the last name of "Balderdash," but I can't help that. I mean, I come by the name honestly. I think my great grandparents were from Denmark." Q: Danish. Right. So, are we to believe that if a person can crack this message that they will can find a treasure buried somewhere in Brattleboro? Dr. Balderdash: "There really is a buried treasure. I never lie about that. I will also be upfront and say that the coin that T. P. James buried back in 1876 is an antique, but it's not of huge monetary value. It's association with T. P. James might make it more valuable than otherwise, but I don't know that this so. What I can say for sure is that this is a good luck charm. I have decoded the message myself, and to find the treasure, you have to get past the cryptic message. But I figured it out. I have been to the treasure spot. There really is a box where this cryptogram puzzler says there is a box, and the coin is in it. After I dug it up, I set the box back exactly where I found it. For any doubters, let me add that I don't deny that I think bending the truth, even snapping it in two, is a form of entertainment, and even an art. What, after all, is a novel? But like my inspiration, T. P. James, I also believe in absolute truth. Some things really matter. And I don't lie about the existence of such things as buried coins, and hidden treasure. Q: Back to the bit about your name. If you're of Danish ancestry, why are the letters Greek? Dr. Balderdash: "You are getting this 'confusulated' in your mind. I didn't hide the original treasure, and I didn't write the clues. T. P. James did those things, back in 1876. I merely found the notebooks of T. P. James, which were discovered in the now defunct, 'Fowler Printing Museum,' which used to be upstairs in the Union Block. Q: Can't people just put this image into Google to translate from Greek to English and get the answer? Dr. Balderdash: Sigh. Deep sigh. "No. This message is not in Greek, it's in English." Q: But it uses Greek letters. Dr. Balderdash: "Yes, but in a cryptogram, you can make any symbol represent a letter in a word. In this case, T. P. James choose to use Greek letters to represent English letters." Q: Why did he choose Greek letters, do you think? Dr. Balderdash: "I think this is where it gets very interesting. As you may know, the very real T. P. James (you can look him up in Wikipedia) was mocked as a charlatan and a hoaxer, because James had claimed that he talked with Dicken's ghost, and the ghost told him how to write a novel. In James's notebook, he complains bitterly about being called a fraud, and he set out to demonstrate that he was for real. Here, let me read you what he wrote (in rather angry red ink, I must say.) 'PRAY TELL, IF I AM FRAUD, HOW DID I KNOW THAT GREEK LETTERS WILL BELONG ON FLAT STREET? HOW DID I KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE A GREEK FAMILY NAMED LASTIS, OR LATCHIS, OR SOME SUCH, WHEN THERE ARE NO GREEKS IN BRATTLEBORO TODAY, OF ANY NAME WHATSOEVER? HOW DID I KNOW TO GIVE DIRECTIONS TO MY COIN BOX, DIRECTIONS WHICH START AT THE "LASTIS" THEATER, WHICH DOESN'T EVEN EXIST AS I WRITE THIS IN 1876 , TO A TREASURE LOCATION THAT CAN ONLY ARRIVED AT BY STARTING AT SAID THEATER???'" Q: I am not convinced. Dr. Balderdash: "But you see, you won't believe me even if I tell you that the University of Brattleboro Labs have determined that the ink in the notebook is dated to between 1860 and 1880, and the coin is from Japan, dated to 1866, which coincides with the year we know T. P. James visited that country. But that's okay. I hope you still might have fun searching for this coin." Q: Am I allowed to search for this coin? My son would enjoy finding it, even it wasn't hidden 150 years ago. Dr. Balderdash: "Yes, but give other people a month to look for it, first. Remember, if you do go, bring a replacement coin to put in the treasure box, so that the next person after you gets to have the joy of finding treasure. Please replace the treasure box back exactly where you found it. Cool coins can be found at Twice Upon A Time, 63 Main St., in Brattleboro. The University of Brattleboro is the Oldest Non-existent University in New England, and pays for the set up of treasure hunts such as this, as well as poetry readings and other events, through the sales of t-shirts and artifacts at the Harmony Gallery, 49 Elliot St., in Brattleboro, Vt.