1991 Didn't Deserve the Gonzo Slapstick Lunacy of 'Hudson Hawk'

Spaghetti out of a thermos, candy bar-designated CIA agents, an evil Wire Fox Terrier, are not concepts. These are sight gags "Hudson Hawk" keeps in its visual repertoire as paperweights. The chaos we will cause with its critical re-evaluation will be the film's final masterstroke. If all of that sounded really strange and eerily specific, then just imagine how it's all presented in the context of an unfairly maligned early '90s Bruce Willis action-comedy that constantly throws so much weirdness at you, you'll think it's a career. Early last year, the historic Brattle Theater in Cambridge, Massachusetts spent a week hosting a series of repertory screenings surrounding some of Willis' less talked about works, with "Hudson Hawk" being one of them. I had no real plans on seeing it, that is, until a film critic friend started talking about all of the crazy stuff that happens, so I naturally had to see for myself. Safe to say, even with a pretty so-so sized crowd, it was such a memorable screening I'll never forget of everyone else discovering it for themselves as well. I've seen it a few more times since because it's not only very funny, but an unfortunate victim of people in 1991 just not getting it. The film lost $90 million, was savaged by critics, and won three Razzies (if you ever took this baseless organization seriously to begin with), and yet, "Hudson Hawk" had the last laugh. In fact, there's several of them. With the film celebrating its 35th anniversary this week, it's well worth a watch to see the kind of movie you'll never see again. The prologue is presented through a fairy tale-like framework chronicling Leondardo da Vinci (Stefano Molinari) building a machine that can transform lead into gold, but only if all the pieces of a crystal are placed together. It's the kind of opening that makes you think you may have accidentally wandered into the wrong theater. We then cut to 500 years in the future, where cat burglar Eddie "Hudson Hawk" Hawkins (Willis) is being released from the slammer. He's picked up by his right-hand man Tommy "Five-Tone" (Danny Aiello), who informs him the world is a different place than when he got thrown in the joint. It doesn't matter that Eddie wants to go on the straight path because multiple parties get in his way of enjoying a cappuccino in peace. The Crosby-Hope pairing reluctantly get sucked into pulling an art heist, all while singing "Swinging on a Star" without a care in the world. And all that is before Eddie gets shipped to Rome in a human-sized crate to rip off the Vatican. The concept of "Hudson Hawk" was born out of a song collaboration between composer Robert Kraft and Willis prior to the latter's career taking off. With a slew of goodwill under his belt later down the line, Willis was able to secure the necessary funds from producer Joel Silver to transform the foundation of their silly little tune into a feature film. Michael Lehmann of "Heathers" fame was brought on to direct, while Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters wrote the screenplay. It should come as no surprise that Willis and Kraft, meanwhile, shared story credit. The result is a gonzo slapstick comedy that lampoons action movie conventions through cartoon logic. "Hudson Hawk" always operates on a "I can't believe they're letting me do this" level of devil-may-care glee on the studio's dime, and I think that's beautiful. Studios seem to have lost the ability to take a chance on some weird stuff that will inevitably lose money, yet gain some notoriety in the process. "Hudson Hawk" was written off as a vanity project for Willis and, to be fair, it's not too far off. He's absolutely showboating here with a playful smirk that never seems to leave his face. But therein lies the ingenuity of what he's doing. Whether he's captured over and over, or barreling down the Brooklyn Bridge on an ambulance stretcher, Eddie is never in any real danger. He subverts his typical tough guy action movie persona by embodying a goofball with five earrings on one ear for funsies. It always feels like he's trying to hold back his laughter at what he's gotten himself into. It's a shame Willis and Aiello never got their own series of buddy comedies because they're a match made in heaven. There's technically a romance plot concerning a Vatican spy Anna (Andie McDowell) and whether she wants to break her vows to satiate her feelings, but Eddie and Tommy are the real love story. It's all one big joke to them, and we're invited to laugh along with each ludicrous development in the story. You really need to embrace the unreality of slapstick comedy in order to buy into the lunacy of Willis' vision. It's got stunts, real world locales, an all-star cast, and an ethos to not take any of it remotely seriously. I mean, this is the kind of movie that has a butler henchman with retractable blades coming out of his sleeves. Its convoluted plotting is a feature, not a bug. There's enough of a rogues gallery in "Hudson Hawk" to rival the Dark Knight himself. Among the slew of outside parties looking to get in on the Da Vinci gold rush are the delectably devious Darwin (Richard E. Grant) and Minerva Mayflower (Sandra Bernhard). What are they interested in? Why, world domination, of course! They represent every rich megalomaniacal villain archetype and run with it. I genuinely believe this is one of Grant's most memorable performances even though he would rather seem to put it behind him. There's a moment where he starts humping the air back and forth like a madman who wants to bone Da Vinci's machine, and it makes me laugh every time I think about it. If only more movie villains were as gleefully unrestrained as the Mayflowers and their pursuit to sow chaos for the fun of it. In 1991, "Hudson Hawk" was blown up into fiery chunks of flesh at the box office. Over three decades later, however, that uproarious screening at the Brattle turned out to be a life-saving sprinkler system that retroactively imbued the film with the millions upon millions of dollars it needed to become a success, and thus secure further "Hudson Hawk" sequels. As a cool cat once said, yeah, that's probably what happened. "Hudson Hawk" is currently streaming for free on PlutoTV.