University of Brattleboro

As many readers who are familiar with the University of Brattleboro know, this educational institution claims to be the "oldest, non-existent university in New England." Professor Balderdash, from this same university, has for a long time claimed to have the notebooks of T. P. James. T. P. James was a very real, spiritualist con man and author from the 1870s, who is celebrated in Brattleboro, Vt., with a ghost story writing contest. (You can learn more about T. P. James by reading up on him in Wikipedia, or by visiting the University of Brattleboro website, www.universityofbrattle.com). In early February, the University put out a press release about, yet another cryptogram found in one of the notebooks, which was discovered by Dr. Balderdash in early January. According to the University, the notebook was filled with strange drawings of stranger animals, doodles and scribbles, and it took the keen eye of Balderdash to even notice that there was a pattern of repeated shapes. Each of the shapes was finally determined to be a substitute for one letter in the alphabet, spelling out a message in English that T. P. James had apparently worked to hide on the page. We caught up to Dr. Balderdash at Amy's Bakery, in Brattleboro. What follows are excerpts from a lengthy and rambling interview edited for brevity and coherence. Can you tell us about how you came into possession of the notebook? Dr. Balderdash: "Well, there used to be a museum in Brattleboro, called the Fowler Printing Museum, with old printing equipment, dating back to the late 1800s. It was on the second floor of the Union Block, on Main Street. Local historians determined that T. P. James resided in this building during his last year in Brattleboro. We know also, that during that last year, T. P. James ran a newspaper titled, "The Independent". So it's hard not to speculate that he ran his presses in what became the Fowler Museum. This was confirmed when the museum closed, and it was emptied of all the printing equipment, furniture, and what not. There was also a safe, which no one had the combination to. So, I went at it with my ex-wife's sawzall, (she is a good person, we are on good terms) and inside were all these notebooks, signed by T. P. James. Since I found them, I kept them. Well, I kept most of them. I sold some, too." Can you tell us, does this cryptogram lead to a treasure? Dr. Balderdash: "Some mental states are a treasure." Does this cryptogram lead to a $100 in coins, like so many of his other cryptograms and puzzlers? Dr. Balderdash: "No, not coins. There are 100 of those coin treasure hunts, all over Brattleboro, and another 250 or so other coin treasures all over Vermont, perhaps one in every town; we aren't sure exactly. But this cryptogram is about something that perches in your soul. It's one of T. P. James' attempts to elevate himself above the treasure hunts. Now mind you, he had a lesson; he was trying to convey, with those treasure hunts, and an experience he was trying to create. Namely, you might decode clues to a treasure hunt, and hike out into nature, and towards the hiding spot, only to find that someone else got there before, took the treasure, and did not replace it with another treasure for you, the left you nothing! But that happens in life. It's okay, or it will be okay. In fact, if you are prepared for that, as you should be, you can go out seeking the treasure, with another treasure already in your backpack. That way, even if someone took and left nothing, you can fix it and leave something good for the next person to find. That way, you can't lose, and ... you might get $100 in coins. Well, that's all very noble and kind and intriguing for him to be planting lessons for children all over the place, so that they can have what he called, "Physical Learning" but with this puzzler, we only have the words. T. P. James may have had plans for an experience that he would set up so that people could experience his message, but that is just speculative. We will have to let the words do their work unaided. But I think he wanted to share something that meant a lot to him. I won't spoil it, by telling too much, but let me just add that during the Civil War, T. P. James was a POW in a Confederate prison. If you know anything about history, you know that he probably experienced two jails, one made of stone and iron, and one made of deprivation and despair. This "message cryptogram" is proof a soul can come back from that." At this point in the interview, Dr. Balderdash could be seen to be crying, and smiling, and he declined further questions. Here is the cryptogram. If you want to know how to solve a cryptogram, the best way is through the Sherlock Holmes story, "The Adventure of The Dancing Men." You can find it in your local library. Rolf Parker lives in Brattleboro where he writes local history and poetry, and creates free events for the public with other faculty members of the non-existent, University of Brattleboro. To fund these events, and other good work, he sell t-shirts which you can find in the Harmony Collective, in Brattlboro, Vermont or online, at www.HoughtonArt.com.