Brace Yourself: IKEA 101

Ok, no groaning. No moaning. I thought I'd share with you my experiences with the Swedish home décor store known as IKEA. Yes, just the mention of the name can be polarizing. People either love it or hate it. Though my relationship with IKEA has evolved over the years, I still love it and, if you weren't aware, there's one within two hours of us in Stoughton, Mass. Founded in 1943 by Ingvar Kamprad in Sweden, according to Wikipedia, "The brand name is an acronym of the initials of the names of Ingvar Kamprad, the founder, Elmtaryd, the family farm where Kamprad was born and Agunnaryd, Kamprad's hometown in Småland, southern Sweden." Since 2008, they've been the world's largest furniture retailer. Think about that for a minute. I feel like we New Englanders, (or maybe it's just me), have only been aware of the big box behemoth for maybe the last 30 years? Specializing in "modernist" furniture, the store has always been about "green" economics. They're famous for their flat-box shipping with DIY assembly even for their largest pieces. This saves them huge around-the-world shipping costs and typically parlays to relatively inexpensive consumer pricing. My very first in-person experience with IKEA was actually in Montreal. At first I thought the bizarre names on each item were in French but, no, the odd names for each item started way back with Ingvar Kamprad. The founder was severely dyslexic and had a difficult time remembering the order of numbers in an item number. So, he replaced each number with a letter instead and that's how each item is still named today. IKEA stores are huge and typically two levels. You ride an escalator upstairs when you first arrive and enter the showrooms. Sample kitchens, living rooms, bathrooms and even individually contained apartments are completely decked out with fully equipped rooms, right down to TVs, laptops and tablets. It's as if you've entered somebody's real bedroom or kitchen. Arrows on the floor direct you through dozens and dozens of vignettes. You grab a little pencil and inventory card when you first begin. If you see a chair that you want to purchase, you note the aisle and bin it will be located in once you're downstairs in the marketplace. Right down to the smallest of accessories, each one is marked for your self-serve pickup location on the first floor. It's really quite ingenious albeit a little exhausting. Just when you think you need to be piled into one of their wheeled shopping bags yourself, you'll happen upon the IKEA cafeteria. Inexpensive yet loaded with lots of yummy things, the restaurant is just like a cafeteria, and you proceed through a queue, with your tray, right up to the cashier. There's many choices, including some decadent desserts, but my favorite are the Swedish meatballs. They sell those frozen by the bag to take home as well! Once your belly is full, it's time to roll up your sleeves and get down to the marketplace to retrieve those lamps, comforters and that new Ektorp sofa you're so excited about. There are specialty carts to load your items onto and it's all on you. Part of the thrifty economics of IKEA, on top of their flat-pack DIY kits, is that it's all self-serve. Right up util you get to the cashiers who are real people, though I did spy some self-checkouts as well. There are parking slots reserved for people loading large items and there's even twine and free packing materials as needed. Some people I've chatted with about IKEA have in their heads that the quality is poor. That's not what I've experienced, however. While I doubt there's many future antique heirlooms, I bet some of their unique kitchen gadgets will definitely be around for decades. I'm on my second Karlstad sofa in Dublin. It's a great, low-backed style that looks like something out of the 50s or 60s. They stopped making the model a few years ago but have replaced it with a similar couch. The first time I bought mine, it was only $399; and it had removable covers for easy washing and you could get different covers for different seasons and moods. Did it take a couple hours to disassemble it to do the switcharoo? You bet. That's why you've got those Swedish meatballs in your freezer for a comforting reward!