The Living Experience Of Depression

Unlike most health conditions, where you go to bed at night feeling well and wake up in the morning sick, depression creeps up on you. It is only when you look back at the last couple of months that you can see the slow descent in your mood, the changes in motivation and behavior and the shift in your thought patterns, especially the way you speak to and about yourself. Depression and Vitality The word "depression" originates from the Latin verb "deprimere", meaning "to press down." The person with depression feels weighted down by the heavy weight of his body, thoughts, emotions and the world. In people with depression, the vital forces in the body are not regulated optimally, which means that: Some will experience loss of appetite and weight loss, while others will gain weight. Some will find it hard to wake up in the morning, while others will toss and turn all night. Some will lose their libido, while others don't. Your body weighs you down. Walking through life carrying heavy weight is tiring. Not the type of fatigue that comes with a long day of work or exercise that can be redeemed by rest, but an exhaustion that makes even the simplest task of getting up from bed or cooking a meal beyond one's capacity. When fatigue is so overwhelming, managing your energy output becomes a necessity. One of my clients once told me she had to choose between taking a shower and grocery shopping. She simply didn't have the capacity to handle both on the same day. What is pressing on your mind? The sluggish experience of the body extends beyond the body into the realm of the mind and thoughts. Brain fog and memory loss are common in depression. Your brain feels like a large cotton ball, with no beginning, connection or end to the thread of consciousness sliding through it. What was once entertaining and fulfilling, like reading, writing or watching a documentary, becomes unfathomable. You are left scrolling on your phone or changing channels on the TV, without stopping to watch and extract meaning from the content. As I write this, I can't help but stop to wonder about adults, young and old, who are addicted to scrolling on their phones. Could it be that doomscrolling is both a symptom of depression and one of the reasons we see an increase in depression rates? Simple tasks that are usually automatic require your full attention, while complicated tasks that require planning and executing multiple steps exceed your capacity. As humans, so much of our identity is tied to our ability to think, learn and create. When these are lost, we lose part of ourselves, and with it, our self worth. Emotional blunting Most people associate depression with feelings of sadness; however, that is not true for all people with depression. I think specifically of one of my clients who came to me with fatigue, muscle pain and insomnia. He didn't mention grief or sadness, but when I suggested a care plan for depression, he saw improvement within weeks. What is more common than feeling sad is feeling emotional bluntness, or flatness of emotions, which is the inability to feel or express both positive and negative emotions. Detachment Emotional bluntness is accompanied by detachment, a feeling of disconnect from one's own body, others, and the world. Detachment from one's body may feel like the skin is too tight. It can become an issue when feelings of hunger and satiation don't fully register. This explains why some people with depression tend to gain weight while others lose weight. Feeling detached from other people and the world is isolating. People with depression consistently name isolation from others as a key feature of depression. They often feel unseen and misunderstood, leaving them feeling out of the tribe. Dr Lucy Osler from the University of Copenhagen, writes: "In depression, the feeling of being different from and misunderstood by others fixes a person in their first-person singular perspective, thus shutting off their ability to experience things as part of a 'we.' Experiencing something as a 'we' precisely involves experiencing something that could not be had apart and what is threatened is not only a sense of connectedness with others but an openness to being influenced and entangled with the experiences of others, of having the world unfold to us in new and exciting ways." Connecting the Dots For many people who experience these myriad symptoms, from physical aches and pains to mental fog and confusing forgetfulness to emotional bluntness and detachment, connecting the dots is hard. The problem is exacerbated because the brain fog makes it hard to think clearly and get a holistic understanding that accounts for all the different symptoms. As a family member or a friend, it is important that we recognize the signs of depression beyond the screening tests so we can help the person who struggles with depression find the care they need.