This Valentine's Day, Break Up with Social Media

Whether you're "boo'd up" or scrolling the apps, social media can be a toxic environment any day of the week, but the feelings accompanying doom scrolling are only amplified on major holidays. It's no mystery that prolonged social media use is linked to increases in depression and anxiety, but on Valentine's Day, regardless of relationship status, almost everyone feels the sting. A rabbit hole of happy couples, and it seems all there is to think about is what you have or don't have, what you wish you had or what you've lost. While logically we understand that social media posting is a performative act and not something truly reflective of reality, it's all too easy to succumb to the information presented before us. Do yourself a favor this year and turn it off. For many of us, the internet has become its own form of reality as it has become further integrated into our lives over the years. It now seems to be something we try to escape from rather than being an escape from the real world. Posting a picture of your partner at a fancy dinner or a selfie with the girls on a night out has become automatic for many. How can you say you even went if a photo wasn't posted? For younger generations, Valentine's Day also seems to be a day devoted to piecing together who's still together. That class couple from high school, a coworker, really anyone on the outskirts of your life that you still keep tabs on. It is a day of discovery; the knowledge only being sourced from posts that were or were not made. If you're as addicted to your phone as I am, my advice to just shut it off probably seems unrealistic—the dopamine rushes are just far too great. But on V-Day, checking social media is a great risk. If you're spending your day without a valentine, it can feel like these apps are a carousel of couples. Whether it's a friend's post or a targeted ad, social media can make you feel oh so alone. It can feel like the whole world is boasting, "Look what I have, and you don't." As much as you probably will hate to hear it, turning your phone on silent (or off completely) and doing some self-care, alone or with others, might be the only way to make it through this day uncuffed. Cook yourself a nice meal and cuddle up on the couch with a movie—as long as it's not a romance. Draw a bubble bath and submerge yourself for hours with wine in hand. Write a letter to a friend or family member you miss. Remember: the holiday is not a day devoted to romantic love, but to strengthening your existing relationships, romantic or not. Prioritizing your relationship with yourself or with family or friends can be the cure to an achy heart. If self-care isn't the fix for you, remind yourself that the people posting online have their own problems—ones that a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates cannot fix. For those of us spending the day with our romantic partners, online environments can still feel exhausting. Seeing the Valentine's Day plans of others, regardless that you had your own, can arise feelings of comparison and inadequacy. Extravagant plans like expensive dinners, weekend getaways and proposals can leave others feeling as if they didn't do enough. If you experience feelings of jealousy or inadequacy on days such as this, know that this does not mean you are unsatisfied in your relationship. Feelings of comparison are natural, heightened by our social media use, and we often do it subconsciously. All you can do is remind yourself over and over that this is not reality. The only solution is an internet-free day dedicated to celebrating you and your significant other. This February 14th, consider your intentions when or if you make a post. Why are you posting and who are you posting for? What will you get out of it? Which will your partner appreciate more, an Instagram post or a card with a meaningful note inside? I'll let you know now; your intentions are not what you think they are. For all of you readers without valentines, show your mind some love this Valentine's Day by avoiding social media like your ex in the supermarket; it's not worth the risk of what you'll run in to.